“Obedience & Trauma”
When I joined the Church of Jesus Christ (fka the Mormons), it was a wonderful part of my multi-dimensional spiritual journey. I had been raised Catholic (sorta). I went to Jesuit High School. I got into yoga in my 20s and learned all about Buddhism. My intellectual side had me look into Islam to try and understand where extremism came from. When I met my missionaries, I was in a dark place and just randomly helped them find their way (ironically, as they ended up doing the same for me). People thought I found a cult, but for me it was just a life experience, albeit a difficult one in hindsight. Specifically, being a gay man in the Church of Jesus has tremendous challenges so I left in 2019. It turns out it is a terrible place to try and date other gay men.
The below poem is something I wrote as I moved on, to aid in my healing from the “trauma” I experienced. For example, one Bishop sent me photos of a woman I had never met saying I should marry her. Ha! I almost died. Another Bishop told me I was going to hell by breaking “God’s laws”. Please do not get offended by the words. I hope everybody meets their missionaries even if it was not for me. Meeting your missionary will bring you closer to your place in this world, in my view. The term hitler comes from the fact I found the word “obedience” in the Church so off-putting I cringe to this day when I hear the word. The family trauma was something I experienced not being able to “fit in” to their family model and culture toward my nature. Gays (for me) need not apply. The whole ordeal was quite political and rife with drama. I felt like I was in a Shakespeare play.
Leaving the Church was one of the biggest blessings of my life despite the fact I felt I had unfinished business. It helped me rediscover myself and tap into my God-given creative spirit without the “boundaries” of dogma, rules, and the straight and narrow path. I finally realized I had nothing to prove to God. The weight of the world I had been carrying my whole life was lifted almost “immediately” — like one of those random blessings you get from the Universe when you least expect it. It was a miracle (for me) when I finally accepted who I was and that this unique experience was simply part of my path.
